even though there were two girls na pinagkalat sa buong speed in attendance a sort of a secret that i value so much
even though the villa was extremely small and ill-equipped for our group
even though the food wasn't well cooked and wasn't enough to fill us up
even though medyo siksikan kami sa kotse going there
even though ang stupid ko not to know what town we were going to

i got the rest i wanted
i forgot the problem i wanted to forget
i got the distance needed to evaluated this life
i had a different fun, one that is shared and not personal
i reaffirmed my relationship with God
for a change nakarinig din ako ng stories, intead of telling
i missed home, but i wanna go back
im so limited over here, but free over there
i feel safe and secure here, and aimless there
everything is planned here, i was adapting there
shucks, i guess il have to wait a few more years before i get the best of both
im not old enough, yet hindi na rin bata
i just wanna do what i wanna do

i wonder what my life would be like without dad
maybe a whole lot happier siguro
it would be tough, but a lot happier i guess
there'd be that empty part inside my chest, but at least filled yun empty sakin ngayon
life would definitely be less complicated

why am i saying all this sh*t?
truth is, its not me thats making me want to be free of him
its he that wants to be free of him
he's creating his own problems and projecting it to me
gags talaga yon
nagmumukha tuloy na ayaw ko sa kanya, when in fact
he doesn't like himself
dadamayin mo pa ko
each of us only has one life to work with
malas mo di mo inayos yun sayo
im gonna fight for mine

gadz!
i feel like a doughnut without that delicious jelly filling
parang na-flatten by a steamroller
defeated by my own in-your-face tactics
i acquired a stick to beat myself with
a thousand tacks to pierce my own skin
my own fingers to poke my eyes
my own elbow to break my nose

to continue what i did yesterday
only now, im crashing
of course the logical thing to happen after crashing is to burn
i lit my own pyre

i hide in my closet
untouched by the rays of light
i sit in there like a child
teary eyed and blubbering
with both palms open
hoping to capture a drop of warmth
i sit in there like a child
wanting to believe

yikes! sem break na
how ive frowned upon the coming of this day, it signifies the end, the end of a lot of things, things that i prefer to continue... but with end also comes a new beginning, the problem is, it comes a little too late to salvage what's left by the end
i love-hate my octobers
its so happy yet so sad
and usually sad yun naiiwan
one nice thing is, God always makes himself felt the most during my octobers... october more than any other month, even december... bakit kaya? it feels nice talaga, so safe

haay
sabi ni God ive nothing to fear
okei, i trust Him
just take a leap
he never gave me reason to doubt him anymore

ang galing talaga ni God
he just ruined what i thought to be the perfect plan
hahahaha!
miraculous

"its not that im gonna hate God, im just gonna dislike him for a while"

haay, what a morning
i suppossed to study theo na
its gonna be a long one, marami-marami ang babasahin ko
konti nalang, a few more days, nooooooooo!

a miracle
again, ive been touched by god
A, B+, B+, F exams ko in psych
tas exempted!
A na daw yun final grade ko
no way on earth, it defies logic
most of what my heart desires, god gave
can god give the one my heart desires the most?
not that im ciallenging him or anything
just curious...

will i?
i need to step back
and then take another step back
and then another step back
i cannot do this alone
yet, only i can do
muster up courage
to take a giant leap
i wont make it
il never reach the other side of the gap
il fall a billion feet to the floor
my head will split like an egg
still, it's not open enough
why do wise men have to be old?
do i keep on denying what could be the will of God?
or do i reach out and accept it, no matter what consequences?
am i afraid? why should i be?
why do i fear?
im still insecure, very insecure

secretly, tension builds within me
though everyday is a passing moment
every minute is a slab of clay
slowy, increasing in volume
eating up my space
the space i freely gave up
my chest constricts
i have trouble breathing
how can a person laugh
and cry at the same time
and still manage to breathe
i cannot feel myself anymore
maybe i never wanted to
it was always never good enough
now i try to extend my other hand
for something is already holding the other
how could i know?
i never knew
i was more of a victim than a ---
it was miraculous
can i be saved?
i miss myself
i am lost
lost
lost