the moment i said "yes"
it was gone
the moment i traded one life for another
it was over
i deny alot of things all the time
but those who are persistent and reasonable make it
im denying myself right now
of a thing so persistent and so reasonable
but i don't want it to happen
at least
not for now
ive one more thing left to prove
and if you can disprove it
i'll stand corrected

ben!!! you're feeling so grumpy today
bakit?
is there anything wrong?
what are you being so grumpy about?
chill chill
take deep breaths
and long stretches
release, release the grumpiness into the air
and then feel free again
to believe

the days seem so long
when you're not feeling strong
but when the ordeal is over
you receive more strenght than ever

hahahaha! yes!!!
i lasted 168 hours
good job!

ang galing!!! talaga ni God
today's friday
kala ko madadown ako
but no!
hahaha!
something to look forward to >>> youth service!
wahahahaha! mehn!!!
except for my jap test later
everything is just *perfect*

hay...
i meant yes!
wow!
absolutely no reason for me to be down
this week, but for some reason...
i mean, everyday has been truly amazing
and i sure do see God's works and deeds everyday
ay wait!
alam ko na
alam ko na kung bakit medyo
matamlay ako
kaya pala
bopols!
40 hours left

whew!
lax lang today
wala namang masyadong kelangan gawin
its friday
pero parang nawala yun thrill of fridays
ay wait! meron pala!
youth service! hahaha!
yeah! it's FRIDAY!
hahaha!

i just learned the difference of happy and joy yesterday
joy na pala ang na-eexperience ko
happy is just happy, it's temporary. it fades
joy is something different
it's long term... it's a mixture of happiness and peace of mind and heart
and it lasts. i hope for the longest time possible, if not forever

Yes! you can be happy even though you're not Christian
Yes! you can enjoy the world and what it can give to you
Yes! you can have the pleasure of being part of a community
But...
What happens when you're not happy
What happens when you're full of sorrow
What happens when the world no longer wants to give you anything
What happens when you feel alone
Do you have someone to run to
Do you have someone to hide to
Do you have someone greater than anything on earth
someone that is more powerful than sorrow, wealth, and loneliness

All you have to do is look inside you
deeply
very deeply
and you will find the Him
He who provides and gives comfort
He who's faithfulness will never depart from you

seemingly ill and unfortunate,
look around you,
they define the power within your deepest depths
the power to cure and be cured

Hey! New Year na naman
It seems that the year changes periodically
sayang super fun last year
undoubtedly my greatest year ever

Compilation of last year's italicized words:
so this is what poverty feels like, utterly frieless
i wonder what next week has in store for me?
Failure!for the nth time,Failure!
When I first saw her, my body lost strength, When I first saw her smile, questioned was I, Felt like sitting next to her, at arm’s length, She was so beautiful, could that be why?
dont make a fool out of yourself
with the wind against me, i felt cool, the rustling sound of branches tickled my ears, then little brown leaves softly fell before me like tears of the dark gloomy sky
fine... ignore the flames of a still bright sunbut when the cold stillness of the manmade moonfinally eclipses...the passion that fuels shall no more be found...
"without you, i am but a mindless corpserising, walking, yearning for a piece of that heartonly to fall again dead still..."
as i look up upon the pitch black sky i see the face of an angel meant to sing me to sleep and make me dream again
lulubog muna ako out of existence
relishing my relinquished...
wtf? now im enjoying being scared! a little help please? especially from the big three from up above... stop watching me enjoy my misery!...
and drool was endlessly dripping along with oozing blood
loneliness is a state wherein a person is afraid to open up because of the fear of not being accepted...
when i feel like ive lost an important thing forever,let go ben, let go
it was still dark out, i awoke in my dim world, where only the ticking of a clock pierced my ears, i lay on my backtwisting, turning, my eyes cut the thick air in all directions, but, what i yearn for, my eyes couldn't see, my hands clenched my pillow, but, what i long for, my hands can't hold, i fall, forced myself to soothing slumber, i wanted to escape, but, it haunted me in my dreams
these days,why am i so fond of calling god sadistic?
my unconscious is slowly revolting, i cannot repress it anymore
the lonely traveler can only look, and dream
"... because it's fun!"
it's so hard to lose even part of your memories, it's as if a part of you has been ripped out, When you try to recall that memory, you see nothing but a white space, you lose your identity, you dont know who or what you are anymore, you can neither smile nor cry, you just feel... empty
Thank you Lord
can't believe that i let 1/20 of myself just deteriorate, blame it on those 19 left, blame it on me
god loves me
-reality was better than fantasy--living life is more fun that dreaming of it-
i am lost
or do i reach out and accept it, no matter what consequences?
most of what my heart desires, god gave
"its not that im gonna hate God, im just gonna dislike him for a while"
he never gave me reason to doubt him anymore
i hide in my closet, untouched by the rays of light, i sit in there like a child, teary eyed and blubbering
what if i miss?then go shoot again
im just gonna kneel here in front of you until you finally take pity on me and strike me with lightning
He is here, and no pain nor sorrow will last
"I found love beyond all reason"

* these quotes are but a glimpse... too see but never fully understand... i sight of what's beyond, but to appreciate what's now