There are a lot of things on my mind lately.
It's not just about trivial schoolwork or orgwork or whatever work.
I'm being bothered by mysteries that envelop my being.
There are these questions that clutter my head but no matter how I think, I can't seem to find answers.
I try to invent new answers but they are not feasible.
I'm being bothered by questions that point to destiny.
How exactly does one fulfill his destiny?
Or by the mere fact that it is destiny, does the person have a hand in it in the first place?
I am pretty sure that there are many people who try to manipulate their destinies.
They try to control it, and fix it according to what they want. They end up ok. Good enough i guess. But is that the way they should really be?
I find myself confused.
I know that I have my own destiny and I want to witness its fulfillment. Although I do not know what it is, I have my preferences.
So, I try to live life to suit my preferential view of destiny.
But lately, I find myself running out of options.
Apparently, destiny is very different from the way I picture it to be, and the common lifestyle that I hoped my preference and my destiny I hoped to have grow more and more far apart.
This left me with a realization last night.
Just when I though that I was running out of options, gray areas, common ground, I realize that maybe it's not for me to choose in the first place.
That no matter what I do, destiny comes in its own pace.
It's all very complicated.
As I run out of options, I grow stronger in my belief of perfect timing.
The way things are going, the timing simply has to be perfect.
I find myself dying of thirst in the middle of a desert. Now I can only hope that at the brink of dying, I stumble over a small boulder, find myself rolling on the sand in random directions - and splashing into an oasis.
If God has to make this plan so complicated, it has to be satisfyingly complicated, because I do not want to have suffered over a shallow series of events.